A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
