Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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