My cat gives me a boner
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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