just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
