Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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