I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
