I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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