You're my little dorito
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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