a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
