Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize