remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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