Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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