I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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