Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
