I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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