So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
