i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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