those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
