paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
