Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
