What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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