you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
no you cant smoke seaweed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
