please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
