hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize