needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
