Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
