Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
