How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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