I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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