you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
