Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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