My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
