mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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