my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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