ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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