The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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