You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
