The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
