we made out on top of his cat.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
