I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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