Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
