Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
