He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
