i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
