Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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