Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
In America we eat man semen.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
