not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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