i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
