In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
