I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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