So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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