Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didn't notice because vodka
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
