He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize