Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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