I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.