she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.