Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.