dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
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That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..