I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding