He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket