you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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