a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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