He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
