she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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