yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
