the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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