Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
