i may or may not be watching the land before time
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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