Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
