i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
