the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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