my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
