I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
